Start of my New Life

Let me share this story to all of you guys. 

First of all I just want to introduce myself to all of you.. Just call me as "iamPOSITIVEguy" twitter account is @iamPOSITIVEguy.. I am too young pa para pagkaron ng ganitong klase ng buhay pero di ko naman pwedeng ibalik ang kahapon o sisihin ang sarili ko bakit ako nagkaganito dahil alam ko din naman talaga na may pagkukulang din talaga ako sa sarili ko..


All I want to say is I just learn how to accept all these things that is happening to me. We all know that "Everything happens for a GOOD reason"

It all started with this..
i am only 19yrs.old living with my siblings separately, we are not with our parents since my Father died recently (month of May) and my Mother is working abroad just to raise us. Yes it's bad for us.. It actually came to a point and time that my Sister got pregnant at 17 and stopped studying already while my brother also stops studying because of the "peers"
Me? I never did that because my goal is pointed to "GRADUATION" but unfortunately I wasn't able to finish it anymore due to Financial problems.. My mother can't afford to pay my Tuition Fee already so I just accept the fact that I can't fulfill my dreams anymore and maybe I have to change destination and try to do other things that can make myself productive. Since I am not going to school anymore, most of the time you can see me in front of our desktop or my mobile extending my social networks in Facebook and Twitter para lang malibang.. Until the time comes that I saw someone added me on Facebook that actually caught my attention.. I have accepted his Friend Request and then he chats on me:

"thanks for the confirm" i replied "you're welcome! =)"
and then he asked "where did you came from?" i replied "in ______ city"

I was totally shocked when he answered "Oh really? I'm from there too!"
I don't know him even their house is few blocks away from our house since I prefer to stay inside our house for most of the time.. I just go outside if my bisexual and gay friends ask me to come over their place or we'll go somewhere else..
We've met.. He asked me to go over their house to configure their WiFi Router since i know how to configure it.. (i wont make this part very detailed since this is not the point)
After configuring their WiFi heavy rain fell so i can't go home since i don't have umbrella with me. They asked me to sleep there and go home tomorrow morning. (something happened HMMMM)

After a few weeks I went to Singapore for a vacation with my relatives there then go back to Philippines (month of June)

I am still single since my last boyfriend left me hanging without any notices or msgs or anything! as I go back to Philippines we don't have contacts anymore other than Facebook (he is still on my Facebook account). I just go somewhere else with my friends because i miss them so much =)

Month of July i decided to open my Tagged Account and I opened my Messages there since it caught my attention (103messages). To those 103 messages, I just read 10 i think? then on that 10 messages i have known 1 guy named "Genesis" he's actually cute and hot guy and he's very approachable.. We have decided to exchange digits and then after a few weeks I fell inlove with him which i haven't did before (usually I appreciate someone after 2mos or more) He's UNIQUE! we always talk over the phone every night..

Then 1 time while i was talking with him over the phone I was searching a lyric of a song that i want to sing a blog caught my attention about the HIV, there is a POSTED update there that there will be a mass private HIV testing somewhere in manila.. I asked my BF (Genesis) that i want to undergo the test just for an experience.. He allowed he but as he always said "Behave ka lang ah?" =)
I asked him "what if the test results POSITIVE? are you going to leave me alone? we'll it's okay for me if you will leave me and i will understand since i am POSITIVE and you are NEGATIVE" he said "I won't leave you, i'll still be there for you, That time that you have that virus is the time that you really need someone to hold on, and it's me... so i wont leave you" (sweet right? =])

July 22 came.. I am very excited to go over the indicated place (somewhere in manila) to get tested on HIV,Syphilis & HepaB..
it was raining hard actually but i still came since it is an experience for me to undergo that test.. i was actually updating my BF that:

"i am here now on LRT 2",

"here on LRT 1 already"

"walking towards the Jeepney going to Quirino",

and "I am here already i will text you later for the result"

He just replied "Whatever happens I LOVE YOU and behave ka dyan aah? ako lang husband mo"

I was happy participating at those prepared discussions like Pre-counseling and the infos about the Sexually Transmitted Infections showing us a RATED SPG photos LOL!
After that they prepared Lunch for us.. (actually i just ate 1 bread and i get 1 juice since i am not yet hungry) while eating, they are calling the random control number and i am "34"

then everytime the organizer yells numbers i was actually praying "i wish its me who's next!"
and then i was called! =)
i was so excited walking towards the private room where the counselor is waiting for me and he already have my results for the testing..

I don't know what's happening to me but when i entered the room i feel so weak, i feel so heavy, i feel so sad... as if my ambiance becomes bad.. the counselor asked me to sit in front of him.. he said "this envelope contains your result.. but before i give this to you, i want you to know that this envelope contains 2 pages.. the first 1 is the HepaB and the Syphilis and the second one is the HIV so are you ready?" i smiled and sat "READY!"

when i opened i actually didn't look at the first page since i just really want to know is the HIV test not other tests.. then as i turned to 2nd page i was shocked!.. I was shocked to see that it says "HIV Test --- Reactive" i don't know what am I going to do... I felt so down and depressed.. At first I said "what if i will just hang myself up as i go home?".. the counselor said

"you are so lucky to see early about your HIV status atleast you don't have any signs and weaknesses yet.. atleast we can treat it while it is still starting.. You are lucky because others came into a danger part of their lives before they knew they have it"

i came home sad and i didnt let my BF know first.. I was crying all alone while i was in the bathroom taking shower.. Then as i go out the bathroom a quotation pops out my mind ""Everything happens for a GOOD reason" i said
"maybe there will be a new challenges for me and i should face it.. never give up! just go for success!"

I have texted my boyfriend and then at first he didn't replied.. i said "siguro ayaw na nya sakin kasi nalaman nya positive ako.. pero okay lang naiintindihan ko sya.. kailangan ko lang naman ng kausap ngayon eh kasi depressed ako sobra.. wala akong mapagsabihan ng kalagayan ko... wala akong makausap... I don't want my mother to know about this kasi ayoko nang dagdagan pa problema nya at natatakot akop kung ano pa magawa nya sa sarili nya at madamay pa mga kapatid ko... maybe dahil kasalanan ko to ako nalang din mag suffer mag isa"

i opened the desktop and search for the blogs of the HIV positive just to read about their experiences and i've noticed that they are all using twitter for their connections... So i decided to create a new twitter Account.. i followed them and ask for a help.. I just want to talk to someone who can understand and who is ready to listen about my story and situation right now.. and i am so lucky that i didn't go to a wrong place... 2 of them called me on my Phone.. and that helps a lot... Now i can smile and i can laugh and live normally as the others did..

My boyfriend called after that day.. he said "I am so sorry that I didn't replied at your messages yesterday since i don't have any prepaid credits left in my account.. I just want you to know that I am still here for you and care for you even if you are in that kind of situation.. I am still the Genesis you've known.. i wont leave you.. i'll stay with you.. I will take care of you.. If there is someone with us who is actually scared, it's me... i am scared that you will leave me coz you are positive and i am negative, i am scared yesterday that you haven't tried to call me and i was thinking maybe someone is calling you or you have called your ex boyfriend already.. I am scared that you are going to leave me because you've already known someone who is still willing to accept you as you are.. I wish i was the one who is Positive and not yours... I don't want to see you suffering from that kind of virus.. but we don't have a choice now.. don't lose your hope that someday there will be a cure for that kind of disease.. and don't be afraid coz i am here to take care of you and i will never leave you alone.. I LOVE YOU"


i cried yet happy because i felt that i was so lucky to have him in my life..
NOW I AM HERE.. FIGHTING THIS NEW BATTLE IN MY LIFE.. I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF TO BE A LOSER.. I WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE END AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!

Newly Diagnosed HIV+ at a YOUNG AGE July 22, 2012

This will be my Official Diary.. Living in a new life.. Fight for this new challenges and be brave