Depression really kills!

UPDATE FOR JULY 22, 23, 24 & AUGUST 11(onwards for the healing of wounds):

I turned out to be reactive in HIV (July 22, 2012), sobrang dami kong iniisip.. I felt like I'm dying, always have a fever, cough, colds, headaches, sore throat, constipated and ang pinakamalala, there is a WART that came out from my outer anus..

At first I just ignore that very small pimple-like dot from my outer anus.. Then days passed it multiplies and it became very painful as if I do have an "ALMORANAS" kasi everytime na dumudumi ako may blood spots lagi.. So I guess umabot na sa loob yung warts.. I was very scared so July 25, 2012, I went to RITM Satellite to have a consultation for this warts.. I really don't know kung panu sya lumabas basta I know it came out the night that I was diagnosed to be an HIV REACTIVE (July 22, 2012)..
One of the nurses there checked the warts on my anus.. At first I am very shy because he was asking me to take off my pants.. As he checked, he said it's a warts and it needs to be removed as soon as possible because it may multiply and become more painful than I felt right now..

I asked him "meron po ba dito nun? Pwede po bang dito ko nalang ipatanggal to?"

He answered "sorry di gumagawa ng ganyan ang RITM.. Ang magagawa ko lang eh i-endorse kita sa ibang ospital na mas malapit sayo at doon mo ipatanggal yan"

I replied "sige po pero mga magkano po kaya aabutin nun?"

He said "just prepare at least 2k just to be sure.. Kasi pakiramdam ko meron na yan sa loob di lang natin makita kasi wala tayong apparatus pero sila doon makikita nila yan since specialization talaga nila pagtanggal nyan"

I replied "ouch! Hanggang kailan po ba to pwede pa? Pag iipunan ko pa po kasi eh, wala pa po kasi akong pera.. Hindi pa po kasi ako ready ipaalam to sa mama ko at mga kapatid ko kaya wala po akong maaasahang tulong sa kanila"

He replied "ay kailangan yan matanggal as soon as possible kasi baka dumami masakit yan sobra na"

I really don't have money to undergo the so-called cauterization operation for the warts.. I just make a group message for my POZZIE FRIENDS.. One of them replied:

"sige ako na bahala sa operation mo ipatanggal mo na agad yan"

I replied "okay ka lang? Gising ka ba talaga?"

He answered "just come over to my place and i'll give you the money that you need for your operation basta ipatanggal mo na yan baka kung saan pa umabot yan"

I feel very thankful to know him! He saved me from this suffering.. I really don't know where will I get that money for the operation at first.. I feel like I am giving up since it's just the start and there will be another one problems related to my health pa..

August 11, 2012 I went to visit the doctor that will remove this very painful warts on my anus..

The operation started.. He just gave me a General Anesthesia.. So I am awake while undergoing that operation.. Ramdam ko ang bawat gupit, injections and sunog ng laser sakin.. Naiiyak ako pero lumalaban ako nasa isip ko iaahon ko pa family ko.. Ayokong sumuko agad na wala man lang akong nagawa para sa kanila..

The operation was successfully finished.. At first there is no pain at all.. The doctor gave me a prescription of the meds that I am going to take.. ( (total of 14 pcs) 7 antibiotics and 7 anti-inflammatory.. I just brought 7 antibiotics and not the anti-inflammatory since I don't have enough money to buy it all.. Titiisin kl nalang muna yung pain..

That night oh gosh! It was very painful.. I really can't sleep.. When my brother came in to see me I just pretend that I am already sleeping and I wiped my tears since I don't want them to see me suffering into this kind of disease.. Ayokong mag alala sila sakin.. Ayokong makadagdag sa problema ng family namin... Until now medyo masakit parin yung wounds pero not that much na.. :)