Pagkalibing ng lola ko umalis ako ng bahay to go to mall.. Mag aliw aliw..
Nagkita kita kami ng mga POZ FRIENDS ko sa Greenbelt 3..
Enjoy yes medyo nakalimutan ko mga pangyayari at medyo sumaya ako..
When I came home kala ko okay na lahat..
Nagulat ako when I saw my mom waiting for me and hawak nya yung brown envelope na medyo familliar sakin (Doon nakalagay yung mga documents na HIV POSITIVE AKO)
sabi nya "Nak may gusto ka bang sabihin sakin?"
sagot ko "About san ma?"
inilabas nya yung laman nung envelope... "Ano to nak? bakit di ka nagsasabi sakin?"
sagot ko "Ma sorry! Sorry kung inilihim ko sa inyo lahat yan.. Ma di ko naman balak itago to habang buhay eh! naghahanap lang ako ng tyempo.. namatay si papa nung May 3, naospital si ate sa panganganak anlaki ng gastusin, namatay si lola August 31 tapos magsasabi ako sayo ng ganyan? Ma, alam kong patung-patong problema mo ayoko nang dagdagan.. ayoko maging pabigat sayo.."
sagot nya, "Pero bakit ganun nak? hindi biro ang lagay mo ngayon.. Ano bang kasalanan ko sa Diyos at pinaparusahan nya ko ng ganito.. Nawala na tatay mo nawala pa si Nanay isusunod ka pa? hindi ko kakayanin kapag pati ikaw nawala pa"
"Ma yun na nga eh kaya ayokong sabihin! kasi baka sabihin mo pinaparusahan ka ng Diyos, Ma hindi ko naman ginustong magkaron ako nito eh.. Hindi ko masabi sainyo kasi nahihiya ako at natatakot na wala akong naitulong sa Family natin naging ganito pa ko.. Natatakot akong mawala ako na walang nai-contribute man lang sa family natin... pero Ma! sinu ba nagsabi sayong mawawala ako? Kaya nga lumalaban ako diba? Lumalaban ako kahit nahihirapan ako sa sitwasyon kong itinatago ko to sa inyo"
sagot ni mama, "Lika nga dito nak, payakap nga.... LALABAN TAYO HA? SAMA SAMA TAYONG LALABAN... WAG KANG SUSUKO NAK AH? KASI AKO DI DIN AKO SUSUKO.. KASAMA MO KONG LALABAN.. LALABAN TAYO BASTA KUMAPIT KA LANG.. BASTA KAHIT ANUNG NARARAMDAMAN MO AT KAILANGAN MO SABIHIN MO LANG SAKIN GAGAWAAN NATIN NG PARAAN..
Umiyak ako YET sobrang natuwa kasi pinalakas nya ang loob ko sobra.. iba ang pakiramdam pag natanggap ka na sa pamilya nyo kung ano ang sitwasyon mo..
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
makes me down!
I'm so sorry to all of those readers who have passed my blogs.. I have retrieved my blog password already just NOW! I forgot my password dahil na din siguro sa sunod sunod na problems na dumating
I just wanna share this to all of you..
Last month, September 13, 2012, Nilibing Grandmother ko.. She died last Aug.31 and nagpaalam pa sya sakin nun..
Naalala ko I went to their house to configure a Wi-Fi kabitan sila ng internet and telephone line.. While I was fixing the wires, my Grandmother said,
"Nak penge nang pera"
sabi ko "Nay, wala pa nga eh bukas pa po ako babayaran ni Ate Vimalym pag naikabit ko na tong internet at telepono nyo"
"bibili lang sana akong rambutan nagugutom ako"
sagot ko "bukas nay bibilihan kita ng French Fries sa Jollibee pagkabayad na pagkabayad sakin ni Ate Aying"
Maya maya natapos ko na ikabit yung wires.. Umupo ako sa tabi nya and I watched TV.. Bigla syang tumingin sakin tapos niyakap nya ko..
sabi nya "Anak, napapagod na ko, gusto ko nang magpahinga"
sagot ko, "Nay, wag naman kayo magsalita ng ganyan.. kala ko ba hihintayin mo ko maka-graduate tapos ikaw magsasabit ng medal sakin sa stage pagkagraduate ko tapos nagsasalita ka ng ganyan"
sabi nya, "Sorry anak.. patawarin mo ko sa mga nagawa kong pagmamalupit sa inyo noon, sorry kasi hindi ko na matutupad yung sinabi ko sayo na yon"
"Nay, alam ko namang napapagod ka na at nahihirapan sa kalagayan mo eh (Diabetic 79yrs old putol left foot) pero Nay wag naman ganito.. angsakit eh.."
"sorry apo"
Niyakap ko sya tas sinabi ko "Sige Nay kung nahihirapan ka na talaga sige po... magpahinga ka na.. tandaan mo lagi mahal na mahal kita"
Then umuwi na ko samin dinasal ko that nigh sana wag na nga mahirapan si lola pero wag naman biglaan..
Nagising ako nang maaga 8AM i went to Handyman to buy a Cordless Telephone na gagamitin ko para ikabit ko na telephone line nila... pagdating ko sa bahay nila,
"Ate Vimalyn akin na ikakabit ko na yung telepono nyo.. eto na oh! dali may bibilihin pa ko (YUNG FRENCH FRIES)"
sagot sakin, "Mamaya mo na ikabit andami pang tao sa taas eh! di ka pa ba galing dun? di ka pa ba umaakyat dun?"
sagot ko, "Hindi pa bakit anu ba meron dun? Nagpa-house blessing na ba sila?"
sabi nya, "Hindi mo pa ba alam? patay na si Lola mo!"
umakyat ako sa taas nagmamadali ako when I saw her on her bed nakahiga na sya ng diretso and she was smiling.. I cried.. "Nay bakit di mo ko hinintay? Nandito na yung pambili ko ng French Fries mo oh! andaya mo naman eh! nang iiwan ka eh! may sasabihin pa nga ako sayo eh! (na-HIV POSITIVE AKO)"
------>on her Internment day ako nagburn ng song para sa gagamitin sa Caro.. while I was picking up songs to burn naiyak ako when I've heard "Ugoy ng Duyan" #1 sa list ng song
I just wanna share this to all of you..
Last month, September 13, 2012, Nilibing Grandmother ko.. She died last Aug.31 and nagpaalam pa sya sakin nun..
Naalala ko I went to their house to configure a Wi-Fi kabitan sila ng internet and telephone line.. While I was fixing the wires, my Grandmother said,
"Nak penge nang pera"
sabi ko "Nay, wala pa nga eh bukas pa po ako babayaran ni Ate Vimalym pag naikabit ko na tong internet at telepono nyo"
"bibili lang sana akong rambutan nagugutom ako"
sagot ko "bukas nay bibilihan kita ng French Fries sa Jollibee pagkabayad na pagkabayad sakin ni Ate Aying"
Maya maya natapos ko na ikabit yung wires.. Umupo ako sa tabi nya and I watched TV.. Bigla syang tumingin sakin tapos niyakap nya ko..
sabi nya "Anak, napapagod na ko, gusto ko nang magpahinga"
sagot ko, "Nay, wag naman kayo magsalita ng ganyan.. kala ko ba hihintayin mo ko maka-graduate tapos ikaw magsasabit ng medal sakin sa stage pagkagraduate ko tapos nagsasalita ka ng ganyan"
sabi nya, "Sorry anak.. patawarin mo ko sa mga nagawa kong pagmamalupit sa inyo noon, sorry kasi hindi ko na matutupad yung sinabi ko sayo na yon"
"Nay, alam ko namang napapagod ka na at nahihirapan sa kalagayan mo eh (Diabetic 79yrs old putol left foot) pero Nay wag naman ganito.. angsakit eh.."
"sorry apo"
Niyakap ko sya tas sinabi ko "Sige Nay kung nahihirapan ka na talaga sige po... magpahinga ka na.. tandaan mo lagi mahal na mahal kita"
Then umuwi na ko samin dinasal ko that nigh sana wag na nga mahirapan si lola pero wag naman biglaan..
Nagising ako nang maaga 8AM i went to Handyman to buy a Cordless Telephone na gagamitin ko para ikabit ko na telephone line nila... pagdating ko sa bahay nila,
"Ate Vimalyn akin na ikakabit ko na yung telepono nyo.. eto na oh! dali may bibilihin pa ko (YUNG FRENCH FRIES)"
sagot sakin, "Mamaya mo na ikabit andami pang tao sa taas eh! di ka pa ba galing dun? di ka pa ba umaakyat dun?"
sagot ko, "Hindi pa bakit anu ba meron dun? Nagpa-house blessing na ba sila?"
sabi nya, "Hindi mo pa ba alam? patay na si Lola mo!"
umakyat ako sa taas nagmamadali ako when I saw her on her bed nakahiga na sya ng diretso and she was smiling.. I cried.. "Nay bakit di mo ko hinintay? Nandito na yung pambili ko ng French Fries mo oh! andaya mo naman eh! nang iiwan ka eh! may sasabihin pa nga ako sayo eh! (na-HIV POSITIVE AKO)"
------>on her Internment day ako nagburn ng song para sa gagamitin sa Caro.. while I was picking up songs to burn naiyak ako when I've heard "Ugoy ng Duyan" #1 sa list ng song
Saturday, September 1, 2012
What is HIV for you?
For me, it's just a 3 Letter Acronym that can't defeat me, can't change who I am..
Even if I have the virus inside me, the virus can't have me..
Yes the first time I knew that I've got it, I feel that my life is now worthless, a garbage and a very sad life..
After a few days when i've got new friends (Poz Friends), I felt that I am still who I am.. HIV doesn't change me.. It just changes a littlebit of my Lifestyle but my life itself does not..
Living with HIV is not different with the people who doesn't live with the virus..
Yes! Who knows when it will be cured.. I'm still waiting for that time to come, but if not? I can't do anything about it.. Maybe God planned this for me.. God put me this way for me to know the essence of life and health that God has given to us..
Even if I have the virus inside me, the virus can't have me..
Yes the first time I knew that I've got it, I feel that my life is now worthless, a garbage and a very sad life..
After a few days when i've got new friends (Poz Friends), I felt that I am still who I am.. HIV doesn't change me.. It just changes a littlebit of my Lifestyle but my life itself does not..
Living with HIV is not different with the people who doesn't live with the virus..
Yes! Who knows when it will be cured.. I'm still waiting for that time to come, but if not? I can't do anything about it.. Maybe God planned this for me.. God put me this way for me to know the essence of life and health that God has given to us..
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Updated my Twitter account..
I just got a new username for my twitter account since madami na ang co-pozzies.. Very common if i still use "iamPOSITIVEguy" they are all using PinoyPositive, PinoyPozzie, PozziePinoy, iamPositive, iamHIV..
From "iamPOSITIVEguy" i replace it as "BabyStarPozzie / @R12_AGS"
Since my patient code is R12-AGS =)
From "iamPOSITIVEguy" i replace it as "BabyStarPozzie / @R12_AGS"
Since my patient code is R12-AGS =)
RITM's Self EmpowermentTraining!
Super thankful talaga ako sa pag attend sa SET na to.. Andami kong natutuhang bago at magpahalaga sa sarili ko.. Lalong lumakas loob ko..
It makes me feel like i'm living normal.. My batch is August 25&26, 2012..
To all pozzies out there that is not yet experiencing SET i highly recommend you to attend Self Empowerment Training.. It helps a lot to me and to others who still having a hanging questions on their mind..
You can also open up to them just to clear you mind.. You can cry freely if you feel like that is the one you meed for you to feel comfortable..
Suh a great experience! Contact Tita Beth and reach her at 09178360312
Dont miss your opportunity to experience this kind of moment.. Just give them your Saturday and Sunday you dont have to pay for anything.. Foods and hotel accomodations are free! All you have to do is just go to RITM Satellite located at Leon Guinto St. Near Mini Stop Quirino..
It makes me feel like i'm living normal.. My batch is August 25&26, 2012..
To all pozzies out there that is not yet experiencing SET i highly recommend you to attend Self Empowerment Training.. It helps a lot to me and to others who still having a hanging questions on their mind..
You can also open up to them just to clear you mind.. You can cry freely if you feel like that is the one you meed for you to feel comfortable..
Suh a great experience! Contact Tita Beth and reach her at 09178360312
Dont miss your opportunity to experience this kind of moment.. Just give them your Saturday and Sunday you dont have to pay for anything.. Foods and hotel accomodations are free! All you have to do is just go to RITM Satellite located at Leon Guinto St. Near Mini Stop Quirino..
Monday, August 20, 2012
My first CD4
August 17, 2012 I went to RITM to have my first ever baseline test..
Actually it's not yet finished.. But I already have my CD4 so I am very happy to share it with you guys that my initial CD4 is 488! =)
I am going to make it higher next time! FIGHT!! =)
Actually it's not yet finished.. But I already have my CD4 so I am very happy to share it with you guys that my initial CD4 is 488! =)
I am going to make it higher next time! FIGHT!! =)
THE PROMISE
Actually I am the one who first give up and not Genesis.. But I have a valid reason.. It seems like he don't really understand my disease.. He just keep on making me mad, stress and not making me happy whenever I am depressed..
Yes at first I feel I was very lucky to have him.. But now it's different.. It seems like all his promises was totally vanished.. Each day that passed we always have an arguement and it leads me na di makatulog sa gabi wheneer I think about our arguement..
I prefer to stop this now.. I still have my family to love me and I am still young.. Maybe someone will walk to my life to make me happy and won't let me to be like this anymore... Haaaay I don't wanna cry anymore..
Hanggang dito nalang :(
Yes at first I feel I was very lucky to have him.. But now it's different.. It seems like all his promises was totally vanished.. Each day that passed we always have an arguement and it leads me na di makatulog sa gabi wheneer I think about our arguement..
I prefer to stop this now.. I still have my family to love me and I am still young.. Maybe someone will walk to my life to make me happy and won't let me to be like this anymore... Haaaay I don't wanna cry anymore..
Hanggang dito nalang :(
Depression really kills!
UPDATE FOR JULY 22, 23, 24 & AUGUST 11(onwards for the healing of wounds):
I turned out to be reactive in HIV (July 22, 2012), sobrang dami kong iniisip.. I felt like I'm dying, always have a fever, cough, colds, headaches, sore throat, constipated and ang pinakamalala, there is a WART that came out from my outer anus..
At first I just ignore that very small pimple-like dot from my outer anus.. Then days passed it multiplies and it became very painful as if I do have an "ALMORANAS" kasi everytime na dumudumi ako may blood spots lagi.. So I guess umabot na sa loob yung warts.. I was very scared so July 25, 2012, I went to RITM Satellite to have a consultation for this warts.. I really don't know kung panu sya lumabas basta I know it came out the night that I was diagnosed to be an HIV REACTIVE (July 22, 2012)..
One of the nurses there checked the warts on my anus.. At first I am very shy because he was asking me to take off my pants.. As he checked, he said it's a warts and it needs to be removed as soon as possible because it may multiply and become more painful than I felt right now..
I asked him "meron po ba dito nun? Pwede po bang dito ko nalang ipatanggal to?"
He answered "sorry di gumagawa ng ganyan ang RITM.. Ang magagawa ko lang eh i-endorse kita sa ibang ospital na mas malapit sayo at doon mo ipatanggal yan"
I replied "sige po pero mga magkano po kaya aabutin nun?"
He said "just prepare at least 2k just to be sure.. Kasi pakiramdam ko meron na yan sa loob di lang natin makita kasi wala tayong apparatus pero sila doon makikita nila yan since specialization talaga nila pagtanggal nyan"
I replied "ouch! Hanggang kailan po ba to pwede pa? Pag iipunan ko pa po kasi eh, wala pa po kasi akong pera.. Hindi pa po kasi ako ready ipaalam to sa mama ko at mga kapatid ko kaya wala po akong maaasahang tulong sa kanila"
He replied "ay kailangan yan matanggal as soon as possible kasi baka dumami masakit yan sobra na"
I really don't have money to undergo the so-called cauterization operation for the warts.. I just make a group message for my POZZIE FRIENDS.. One of them replied:
"sige ako na bahala sa operation mo ipatanggal mo na agad yan"
I replied "okay ka lang? Gising ka ba talaga?"
He answered "just come over to my place and i'll give you the money that you need for your operation basta ipatanggal mo na yan baka kung saan pa umabot yan"
I feel very thankful to know him! He saved me from this suffering.. I really don't know where will I get that money for the operation at first.. I feel like I am giving up since it's just the start and there will be another one problems related to my health pa..
August 11, 2012 I went to visit the doctor that will remove this very painful warts on my anus..
The operation started.. He just gave me a General Anesthesia.. So I am awake while undergoing that operation.. Ramdam ko ang bawat gupit, injections and sunog ng laser sakin.. Naiiyak ako pero lumalaban ako nasa isip ko iaahon ko pa family ko.. Ayokong sumuko agad na wala man lang akong nagawa para sa kanila..
The operation was successfully finished.. At first there is no pain at all.. The doctor gave me a prescription of the meds that I am going to take.. ( (total of 14 pcs) 7 antibiotics and 7 anti-inflammatory.. I just brought 7 antibiotics and not the anti-inflammatory since I don't have enough money to buy it all.. Titiisin kl nalang muna yung pain..
That night oh gosh! It was very painful.. I really can't sleep.. When my brother came in to see me I just pretend that I am already sleeping and I wiped my tears since I don't want them to see me suffering into this kind of disease.. Ayokong mag alala sila sakin.. Ayokong makadagdag sa problema ng family namin... Until now medyo masakit parin yung wounds pero not that much na.. :)
I turned out to be reactive in HIV (July 22, 2012), sobrang dami kong iniisip.. I felt like I'm dying, always have a fever, cough, colds, headaches, sore throat, constipated and ang pinakamalala, there is a WART that came out from my outer anus..
At first I just ignore that very small pimple-like dot from my outer anus.. Then days passed it multiplies and it became very painful as if I do have an "ALMORANAS" kasi everytime na dumudumi ako may blood spots lagi.. So I guess umabot na sa loob yung warts.. I was very scared so July 25, 2012, I went to RITM Satellite to have a consultation for this warts.. I really don't know kung panu sya lumabas basta I know it came out the night that I was diagnosed to be an HIV REACTIVE (July 22, 2012)..
One of the nurses there checked the warts on my anus.. At first I am very shy because he was asking me to take off my pants.. As he checked, he said it's a warts and it needs to be removed as soon as possible because it may multiply and become more painful than I felt right now..
I asked him "meron po ba dito nun? Pwede po bang dito ko nalang ipatanggal to?"
He answered "sorry di gumagawa ng ganyan ang RITM.. Ang magagawa ko lang eh i-endorse kita sa ibang ospital na mas malapit sayo at doon mo ipatanggal yan"
I replied "sige po pero mga magkano po kaya aabutin nun?"
He said "just prepare at least 2k just to be sure.. Kasi pakiramdam ko meron na yan sa loob di lang natin makita kasi wala tayong apparatus pero sila doon makikita nila yan since specialization talaga nila pagtanggal nyan"
I replied "ouch! Hanggang kailan po ba to pwede pa? Pag iipunan ko pa po kasi eh, wala pa po kasi akong pera.. Hindi pa po kasi ako ready ipaalam to sa mama ko at mga kapatid ko kaya wala po akong maaasahang tulong sa kanila"
He replied "ay kailangan yan matanggal as soon as possible kasi baka dumami masakit yan sobra na"
I really don't have money to undergo the so-called cauterization operation for the warts.. I just make a group message for my POZZIE FRIENDS.. One of them replied:
"sige ako na bahala sa operation mo ipatanggal mo na agad yan"
I replied "okay ka lang? Gising ka ba talaga?"
He answered "just come over to my place and i'll give you the money that you need for your operation basta ipatanggal mo na yan baka kung saan pa umabot yan"
I feel very thankful to know him! He saved me from this suffering.. I really don't know where will I get that money for the operation at first.. I feel like I am giving up since it's just the start and there will be another one problems related to my health pa..
August 11, 2012 I went to visit the doctor that will remove this very painful warts on my anus..
The operation started.. He just gave me a General Anesthesia.. So I am awake while undergoing that operation.. Ramdam ko ang bawat gupit, injections and sunog ng laser sakin.. Naiiyak ako pero lumalaban ako nasa isip ko iaahon ko pa family ko.. Ayokong sumuko agad na wala man lang akong nagawa para sa kanila..
The operation was successfully finished.. At first there is no pain at all.. The doctor gave me a prescription of the meds that I am going to take.. ( (total of 14 pcs) 7 antibiotics and 7 anti-inflammatory.. I just brought 7 antibiotics and not the anti-inflammatory since I don't have enough money to buy it all.. Titiisin kl nalang muna yung pain..
That night oh gosh! It was very painful.. I really can't sleep.. When my brother came in to see me I just pretend that I am already sleeping and I wiped my tears since I don't want them to see me suffering into this kind of disease.. Ayokong mag alala sila sakin.. Ayokong makadagdag sa problema ng family namin... Until now medyo masakit parin yung wounds pero not that much na.. :)
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Start of my New Life
Let me share this story to all of you guys.
First of all I just want to introduce myself to all of you.. Just call me as "iamPOSITIVEguy" twitter account is @iamPOSITIVEguy.. I am too young pa para pagkaron ng ganitong klase ng buhay pero di ko naman pwedeng ibalik ang kahapon o sisihin ang sarili ko bakit ako nagkaganito dahil alam ko din naman talaga na may pagkukulang din talaga ako sa sarili ko..
All I want to say is I just learn how to accept all these things that is happening to me. We all know that "Everything happens for a GOOD reason"
It all started with this..
i am only 19yrs.old living with my siblings separately, we are not with our parents since my Father died recently (month of May) and my Mother is working abroad just to raise us. Yes it's bad for us.. It actually came to a point and time that my Sister got pregnant at 17 and stopped studying already while my brother also stops studying because of the "peers"
Me? I never did that because my goal is pointed to "GRADUATION" but unfortunately I wasn't able to finish it anymore due to Financial problems.. My mother can't afford to pay my Tuition Fee already so I just accept the fact that I can't fulfill my dreams anymore and maybe I have to change destination and try to do other things that can make myself productive. Since I am not going to school anymore, most of the time you can see me in front of our desktop or my mobile extending my social networks in Facebook and Twitter para lang malibang.. Until the time comes that I saw someone added me on Facebook that actually caught my attention.. I have accepted his Friend Request and then he chats on me:
"thanks for the confirm" i replied "you're welcome! =)"
and then he asked "where did you came from?" i replied "in ______ city"
I was totally shocked when he answered "Oh really? I'm from there too!"
I don't know him even their house is few blocks away from our house since I prefer to stay inside our house for most of the time.. I just go outside if my bisexual and gay friends ask me to come over their place or we'll go somewhere else..
We've met.. He asked me to go over their house to configure their WiFi Router since i know how to configure it.. (i wont make this part very detailed since this is not the point)
After configuring their WiFi heavy rain fell so i can't go home since i don't have umbrella with me. They asked me to sleep there and go home tomorrow morning. (something happened HMMMM)
After a few weeks I went to Singapore for a vacation with my relatives there then go back to Philippines (month of June)
I am still single since my last boyfriend left me hanging without any notices or msgs or anything! as I go back to Philippines we don't have contacts anymore other than Facebook (he is still on my Facebook account). I just go somewhere else with my friends because i miss them so much =)
Month of July i decided to open my Tagged Account and I opened my Messages there since it caught my attention (103messages). To those 103 messages, I just read 10 i think? then on that 10 messages i have known 1 guy named "Genesis" he's actually cute and hot guy and he's very approachable.. We have decided to exchange digits and then after a few weeks I fell inlove with him which i haven't did before (usually I appreciate someone after 2mos or more) He's UNIQUE! we always talk over the phone every night..
Then 1 time while i was talking with him over the phone I was searching a lyric of a song that i want to sing a blog caught my attention about the HIV, there is a POSTED update there that there will be a mass private HIV testing somewhere in manila.. I asked my BF (Genesis) that i want to undergo the test just for an experience.. He allowed he but as he always said "Behave ka lang ah?" =)
I asked him "what if the test results POSITIVE? are you going to leave me alone? we'll it's okay for me if you will leave me and i will understand since i am POSITIVE and you are NEGATIVE" he said "I won't leave you, i'll still be there for you, That time that you have that virus is the time that you really need someone to hold on, and it's me... so i wont leave you" (sweet right? =])
July 22 came.. I am very excited to go over the indicated place (somewhere in manila) to get tested on HIV,Syphilis & HepaB..
it was raining hard actually but i still came since it is an experience for me to undergo that test.. i was actually updating my BF that:
"i am here now on LRT 2",
"here on LRT 1 already"
"walking towards the Jeepney going to Quirino",
and "I am here already i will text you later for the result"
He just replied "Whatever happens I LOVE YOU and behave ka dyan aah? ako lang husband mo"
I was happy participating at those prepared discussions like Pre-counseling and the infos about the Sexually Transmitted Infections showing us a RATED SPG photos LOL!
After that they prepared Lunch for us.. (actually i just ate 1 bread and i get 1 juice since i am not yet hungry) while eating, they are calling the random control number and i am "34"
then everytime the organizer yells numbers i was actually praying "i wish its me who's next!"
and then i was called! =)
i was so excited walking towards the private room where the counselor is waiting for me and he already have my results for the testing..
I don't know what's happening to me but when i entered the room i feel so weak, i feel so heavy, i feel so sad... as if my ambiance becomes bad.. the counselor asked me to sit in front of him.. he said "this envelope contains your result.. but before i give this to you, i want you to know that this envelope contains 2 pages.. the first 1 is the HepaB and the Syphilis and the second one is the HIV so are you ready?" i smiled and sat "READY!"
when i opened i actually didn't look at the first page since i just really want to know is the HIV test not other tests.. then as i turned to 2nd page i was shocked!.. I was shocked to see that it says "HIV Test --- Reactive" i don't know what am I going to do... I felt so down and depressed.. At first I said "what if i will just hang myself up as i go home?".. the counselor said
"you are so lucky to see early about your HIV status atleast you don't have any signs and weaknesses yet.. atleast we can treat it while it is still starting.. You are lucky because others came into a danger part of their lives before they knew they have it"
i came home sad and i didnt let my BF know first.. I was crying all alone while i was in the bathroom taking shower.. Then as i go out the bathroom a quotation pops out my mind ""Everything happens for a GOOD reason" i said
"maybe there will be a new challenges for me and i should face it.. never give up! just go for success!"
I have texted my boyfriend and then at first he didn't replied.. i said "siguro ayaw na nya sakin kasi nalaman nya positive ako.. pero okay lang naiintindihan ko sya.. kailangan ko lang naman ng kausap ngayon eh kasi depressed ako sobra.. wala akong mapagsabihan ng kalagayan ko... wala akong makausap... I don't want my mother to know about this kasi ayoko nang dagdagan pa problema nya at natatakot akop kung ano pa magawa nya sa sarili nya at madamay pa mga kapatid ko... maybe dahil kasalanan ko to ako nalang din mag suffer mag isa"
i opened the desktop and search for the blogs of the HIV positive just to read about their experiences and i've noticed that they are all using twitter for their connections... So i decided to create a new twitter Account.. i followed them and ask for a help.. I just want to talk to someone who can understand and who is ready to listen about my story and situation right now.. and i am so lucky that i didn't go to a wrong place... 2 of them called me on my Phone.. and that helps a lot... Now i can smile and i can laugh and live normally as the others did..
My boyfriend called after that day.. he said "I am so sorry that I didn't replied at your messages yesterday since i don't have any prepaid credits left in my account.. I just want you to know that I am still here for you and care for you even if you are in that kind of situation.. I am still the Genesis you've known.. i wont leave you.. i'll stay with you.. I will take care of you.. If there is someone with us who is actually scared, it's me... i am scared that you will leave me coz you are positive and i am negative, i am scared yesterday that you haven't tried to call me and i was thinking maybe someone is calling you or you have called your ex boyfriend already.. I am scared that you are going to leave me because you've already known someone who is still willing to accept you as you are.. I wish i was the one who is Positive and not yours... I don't want to see you suffering from that kind of virus.. but we don't have a choice now.. don't lose your hope that someday there will be a cure for that kind of disease.. and don't be afraid coz i am here to take care of you and i will never leave you alone.. I LOVE YOU"
i cried yet happy because i felt that i was so lucky to have him in my life..
NOW I AM HERE.. FIGHTING THIS NEW BATTLE IN MY LIFE.. I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF TO BE A LOSER.. I WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE END AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!
First of all I just want to introduce myself to all of you.. Just call me as "iamPOSITIVEguy" twitter account is @iamPOSITIVEguy.. I am too young pa para pagkaron ng ganitong klase ng buhay pero di ko naman pwedeng ibalik ang kahapon o sisihin ang sarili ko bakit ako nagkaganito dahil alam ko din naman talaga na may pagkukulang din talaga ako sa sarili ko..
All I want to say is I just learn how to accept all these things that is happening to me. We all know that "Everything happens for a GOOD reason"
It all started with this..
i am only 19yrs.old living with my siblings separately, we are not with our parents since my Father died recently (month of May) and my Mother is working abroad just to raise us. Yes it's bad for us.. It actually came to a point and time that my Sister got pregnant at 17 and stopped studying already while my brother also stops studying because of the "peers"
Me? I never did that because my goal is pointed to "GRADUATION" but unfortunately I wasn't able to finish it anymore due to Financial problems.. My mother can't afford to pay my Tuition Fee already so I just accept the fact that I can't fulfill my dreams anymore and maybe I have to change destination and try to do other things that can make myself productive. Since I am not going to school anymore, most of the time you can see me in front of our desktop or my mobile extending my social networks in Facebook and Twitter para lang malibang.. Until the time comes that I saw someone added me on Facebook that actually caught my attention.. I have accepted his Friend Request and then he chats on me:
"thanks for the confirm" i replied "you're welcome! =)"
and then he asked "where did you came from?" i replied "in ______ city"
I was totally shocked when he answered "Oh really? I'm from there too!"
I don't know him even their house is few blocks away from our house since I prefer to stay inside our house for most of the time.. I just go outside if my bisexual and gay friends ask me to come over their place or we'll go somewhere else..
We've met.. He asked me to go over their house to configure their WiFi Router since i know how to configure it.. (i wont make this part very detailed since this is not the point)
After configuring their WiFi heavy rain fell so i can't go home since i don't have umbrella with me. They asked me to sleep there and go home tomorrow morning. (something happened HMMMM)
After a few weeks I went to Singapore for a vacation with my relatives there then go back to Philippines (month of June)
I am still single since my last boyfriend left me hanging without any notices or msgs or anything! as I go back to Philippines we don't have contacts anymore other than Facebook (he is still on my Facebook account). I just go somewhere else with my friends because i miss them so much =)
Month of July i decided to open my Tagged Account and I opened my Messages there since it caught my attention (103messages). To those 103 messages, I just read 10 i think? then on that 10 messages i have known 1 guy named "Genesis" he's actually cute and hot guy and he's very approachable.. We have decided to exchange digits and then after a few weeks I fell inlove with him which i haven't did before (usually I appreciate someone after 2mos or more) He's UNIQUE! we always talk over the phone every night..
Then 1 time while i was talking with him over the phone I was searching a lyric of a song that i want to sing a blog caught my attention about the HIV, there is a POSTED update there that there will be a mass private HIV testing somewhere in manila.. I asked my BF (Genesis) that i want to undergo the test just for an experience.. He allowed he but as he always said "Behave ka lang ah?" =)
I asked him "what if the test results POSITIVE? are you going to leave me alone? we'll it's okay for me if you will leave me and i will understand since i am POSITIVE and you are NEGATIVE" he said "I won't leave you, i'll still be there for you, That time that you have that virus is the time that you really need someone to hold on, and it's me... so i wont leave you" (sweet right? =])
July 22 came.. I am very excited to go over the indicated place (somewhere in manila) to get tested on HIV,Syphilis & HepaB..
it was raining hard actually but i still came since it is an experience for me to undergo that test.. i was actually updating my BF that:
"i am here now on LRT 2",
"here on LRT 1 already"
"walking towards the Jeepney going to Quirino",
and "I am here already i will text you later for the result"
He just replied "Whatever happens I LOVE YOU and behave ka dyan aah? ako lang husband mo"
I was happy participating at those prepared discussions like Pre-counseling and the infos about the Sexually Transmitted Infections showing us a RATED SPG photos LOL!
After that they prepared Lunch for us.. (actually i just ate 1 bread and i get 1 juice since i am not yet hungry) while eating, they are calling the random control number and i am "34"
then everytime the organizer yells numbers i was actually praying "i wish its me who's next!"
and then i was called! =)
i was so excited walking towards the private room where the counselor is waiting for me and he already have my results for the testing..
I don't know what's happening to me but when i entered the room i feel so weak, i feel so heavy, i feel so sad... as if my ambiance becomes bad.. the counselor asked me to sit in front of him.. he said "this envelope contains your result.. but before i give this to you, i want you to know that this envelope contains 2 pages.. the first 1 is the HepaB and the Syphilis and the second one is the HIV so are you ready?" i smiled and sat "READY!"
when i opened i actually didn't look at the first page since i just really want to know is the HIV test not other tests.. then as i turned to 2nd page i was shocked!.. I was shocked to see that it says "HIV Test --- Reactive" i don't know what am I going to do... I felt so down and depressed.. At first I said "what if i will just hang myself up as i go home?".. the counselor said
"you are so lucky to see early about your HIV status atleast you don't have any signs and weaknesses yet.. atleast we can treat it while it is still starting.. You are lucky because others came into a danger part of their lives before they knew they have it"
i came home sad and i didnt let my BF know first.. I was crying all alone while i was in the bathroom taking shower.. Then as i go out the bathroom a quotation pops out my mind ""Everything happens for a GOOD reason" i said
"maybe there will be a new challenges for me and i should face it.. never give up! just go for success!"
I have texted my boyfriend and then at first he didn't replied.. i said "siguro ayaw na nya sakin kasi nalaman nya positive ako.. pero okay lang naiintindihan ko sya.. kailangan ko lang naman ng kausap ngayon eh kasi depressed ako sobra.. wala akong mapagsabihan ng kalagayan ko... wala akong makausap... I don't want my mother to know about this kasi ayoko nang dagdagan pa problema nya at natatakot akop kung ano pa magawa nya sa sarili nya at madamay pa mga kapatid ko... maybe dahil kasalanan ko to ako nalang din mag suffer mag isa"
i opened the desktop and search for the blogs of the HIV positive just to read about their experiences and i've noticed that they are all using twitter for their connections... So i decided to create a new twitter Account.. i followed them and ask for a help.. I just want to talk to someone who can understand and who is ready to listen about my story and situation right now.. and i am so lucky that i didn't go to a wrong place... 2 of them called me on my Phone.. and that helps a lot... Now i can smile and i can laugh and live normally as the others did..
My boyfriend called after that day.. he said "I am so sorry that I didn't replied at your messages yesterday since i don't have any prepaid credits left in my account.. I just want you to know that I am still here for you and care for you even if you are in that kind of situation.. I am still the Genesis you've known.. i wont leave you.. i'll stay with you.. I will take care of you.. If there is someone with us who is actually scared, it's me... i am scared that you will leave me coz you are positive and i am negative, i am scared yesterday that you haven't tried to call me and i was thinking maybe someone is calling you or you have called your ex boyfriend already.. I am scared that you are going to leave me because you've already known someone who is still willing to accept you as you are.. I wish i was the one who is Positive and not yours... I don't want to see you suffering from that kind of virus.. but we don't have a choice now.. don't lose your hope that someday there will be a cure for that kind of disease.. and don't be afraid coz i am here to take care of you and i will never leave you alone.. I LOVE YOU"
i cried yet happy because i felt that i was so lucky to have him in my life..
NOW I AM HERE.. FIGHTING THIS NEW BATTLE IN MY LIFE.. I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF TO BE A LOSER.. I WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE END AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!
Newly Diagnosed HIV+ at a YOUNG AGE July 22, 2012
This will be my Official Diary.. Living in a new life.. Fight for this new challenges and be brave
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